I feel exhausted all the time.   I sleep maybe three to six hours a night. It's not enough to function on. I'm so tired.

I feel very out of it.

Like my room is not my room.
It's not shaped right 
I didn't move or anything. I am in my bed in my room but it feels off.

I'm not sure if there is anything in my room tonight to make me feel off,  but there was something caught in the dreamcacher  yesterday. I knew something was there. It was confirmed and cleansed.

Every thing feels off.

Sleep is necessary and hopefully near.
And now that I think about it, there is probably something here. Attached to something in my room. That feeling, the knowing that there is something else here but it's not visible.

Slept REALLY well last night

I cranked my sleep number bed up to 90 and had some Gatorade Gummies and then slept all through the night without interruption.  

I think I haven't been paying attention to how much salt I've been getting,  and have started eating Ramen a lot.

Hoping that enables my back to re-heal itself.

Some relief

Yet also the same amount of agony most of the time.
I'm thinking about asking my pain management Dr about the fake cannabis that's apparently legal here when the real stuff isn't.
I'm not sure what else to do.

Medication working?

So,  it seems like it's easier to go to sleep and easier to wake up the past few days, which is really nice.
Another increase is supposed to happen over the next few days where it's double the dose I started on and I hope it helps a lot.

My rheumatologist's office called and asked if I wanted them to find me a physical therapy place with a chiropractor in the same office that's covered by my insurance.  Of course I said yes to that and hope they have much better luck than I have had.

I have apparently been low on salt the past week because I really wanted Ramen and had two bowls of the salty stuff yesterday and one bowl today followed by pizza. I felt more alert both times so it's not like it was a useless craving.

I still feel very bleh,  though.   Just less so.

New med increase

Tonight I take the new med at bedtime and then also when I wake up.

After a day or two of that, I think one of the doses will be double.

I can really tell when it's wearing off, so I'm hopeful about the increase and twice a day. I really hope it works. And it would be great if it works to the point where I am sure of it rather than questioning if things might be slightly better.

Anyway... Hopefully sleep.

Fibromyalgia possibly, most likely...

My rheumatologist didn't actually give a diagnosis of fibromyalgia but she keeps saying that's the pain I'm feeling.
After reading medical sites and personal stories people have posted,  I've come to the conclusion that I've actually had it for a really long time and it was made worse after surgery rather than just happened then.   That would explain why it felt like the same thing but also a new layer to it.  

Sitting up straight feels like my back is burning,  but slumping clearly isn't helpful either.   This sucks.

The rheumatologist put me on gabopenton for nerve pain and muscle spasms and muscle knots and it's helping a bit.   I don't feel so exhausted.

I'm also supposed to go back to physical therapy and focus on everything instead of just my lower back...  However I'm skeptical about how often I'll be able to get there with a lack of transportation.

I'm hoping that things get better from here now that this medication enables me to move.

What to get rid of

Where to start when deciding to get rid of some things. I'm not sure so I guess I'll be starting in the kitchen.

Debating on the best way to run an online shop

I've been debating on whether Etsy is really worth keeping up anymore and I think I've decided to just let go dead on its own.   I figure I'll continue using Storenvy since there's nothing to lose at all,  but I'm too tired to try to keep up with both.  Besides,  I'm not seeing that anything else is offered from Etsy that isn't on Storenvy.   The only thing I can really think of that I like is that all payments go to one spot,  but that's not a big deal,  really.  

Storenvy could be better,  though.   I like how Etsy automatically sizes the pictures.   With Storenvy,  I have to resize them before uploading which can be a hassle.

One thing I have been researching is if it's possible to add bitcoin payments to Storenvy,  but it doesn't appear that it's possible at this point.   I hope it is in the future.

Http://mitebsycozeug.tumblr.com

So much for sleep

So I'm not yet asleep and since I'm supposed to be pouring out the contents of my brain to slow down the whirring, I'm back to do just that.

I could really use a day off from pain. Things are supposed to heal and pain is supposed to go away after healing. 

I'd like to get out of the house and hang out with local crocheters and knitters and get to know new people.

I'd like to get out and go to the club and not stop until the lights come on.

But right now I am stuck at home all day and all night.  It sucks.

I've been in bed a lot... Could be considered too much. Either way I have to find funds for a new pillow. A $30 pillow is a lot when you've just barely scraped by on rent.

I have no idea how saving up for a house is even possible when rent for two people is about $1,000. That's all of my disability money and then quite a lot from my roommate. I don't see how it's going to be done. Either way we can't keep renting... Rent prices keep jumping higher and higher. Trying to continue that isn't going to work.

Sleep time, I hope.

Not a lot going on with me but the inside of my head never shuts off

I've been thinking about funds a lot.
Funds to get into a house and stop renting.
Funds for an HTPC.
Upcoming procedures and treatments that may or may not be covered by insurance. Especially the ones insurance won't cover despite the necessity for my health.

I guess now I should think about sleep.

So, I'd like to get into regular writing

So I know that I do better when I write, regardless of the content or how good it is. 
I always drop it when depression hits... And it has, so I'm going to try to find the motivation to start up again.
I also have to get past the mental filters that won't let anything be typed.

I think I should just start off with word vomit and worry about cleaning it up later.

Just whatever is bouncing around in my head at the time.

And I need to remember that this is for me and that's it.

I feel better thinking about this and am hopeful that I continue on with it so that I can stay feeling better.

Couldn't figure out where Penny went...

Seemed like a good spot

Seemed like a good spot to me.

From E

Xmas day in the morning